An African woman who has been spending lockdown at her boyfriend’s parent’s house revealed she is devastated after overhearing them make racist remarks about her.
Writing anonymously on Reddit ‘s Relationship Advice forum, the 23-year-old Kenyan woman who has been in a year long relationship with her white Canadian boyfriend, 25, explained that they made a decision to spend lockdown in his hometown after their offices closed dues to the Coronavirus pandemic.
She said it was the first time she met his parents and they initially seemed nice. However, in the evening of the same day that they arrived she overheard his parents using racial slurs – including the N-word – when discussing about her.
“I heard my boyfriend’s parents say something racist about me,” she began.
“My boyfriend (25M) and I (23F) have been dating for a year now. To give a bit more context, he’s white and 100% Canadian, and I was born in Kenya (moved to Canada when I was 1). I had never met his parents because they live 3 hours away from us and he’s not super close to them anyway.
”When lockdown started and both our jobs closed, he asked if I wanted to spend a few weeks with them, so I could meet them and visit his hometown. I said ‘’sure, sounds fun!’’
”We drove there on a Friday night and when my bf introduced me to his parents, they were super nice. We were talking, laughing, all that good stuff. When it was getting late, my bf and I decided to prepare for bed and went upstairs. When he was already in bed, he realized he forgot his charger downstairs and asked me if I could please go get it.
”When I was walking down the stairs, I heard his mother (still at the kitchen table) mention my name, so being noisy, I stopped and listen. They said I was nice and I was happy to hear that, but then his father said ‘’it’s a shame she’s a nigg*r though’’. His mother answered ‘’as long as he doesn’t marry her, it’s fine. And he won’t, he knows we would be disappointed’’. I kind of froze up, waited for them to change the subject, got my bf’s charger and went upstairs.
I didn’t know how to feel, and I still don’t. I’m lucky enough to have never dealt with this kind of racism, so I’m a bit lost on what to do. What his mother said implies my bf knows his parents are not happy with him being with me. Is this why he’s waited so long to introduce them to me? And why didn’t he warn me that his parents don’t want him dating a black girl? Do I even talk to him about it? I don’t want to cause more drama, but at the same time, I’m mad. And also sad. I know we’re not there yet, but would his parent’s disapproval stop him from marrying me? And if we have kids, will their grandparents hate them because they’re not white enough? I love my boyfriend so much and I know he loves me, but I don’t know what to do and how to go about this.”
The woman received an overwhelming number of responses offering her comfort and advice.
“It makes me stick to my stomach that this happened to you and I am so sorry you were even in this situation. Yes, you need to confront your boyfriend about this as soon as possible. While he very well might not share the same disgusting views his parents do, he 150 per cent has to know they’re like this.” One person said.
Another wrote: “This is not okay at all and even more not ok if your SO knew that they felt this way. If he knew that they were racist (even if he doesn’t think of it that way), he knowingly put you into this situation and into harms way.”
Others argued the woman shouldn’t necessarily end her relationship, but should instead allow her boyfriend to confront his parents about their views.
“Wow first of all, I’m really sorry about his parents. That really is a shame. I think you should tell your BF about what happened and let him handle it. You didn’t do anything wrong, they’re just being super racist and unreasonable. I really hope they start to look past your race and instead realise the other amazing things you have to offer.” Another advised.